Becky Ross (4L)
The definitive compendium of sage wisdom, from someone who has no idea what she’s doing. We’ve got at least one more lap around, whether we like it or not.
1. Tell anyone who will listen that back in your day, having Fridays “deemed” for missed classes was so not a thing. This may or may not be true; you can’t remember that far back.
2. Develop a new resting facial expression that lends itself to any occasion. This involves squinting your eyes and slightly tilting your head to the side while nodding slowly. People will wonder: Are you hungover? Listening intently? Contemplating the larger questions in life like whether blondes really have more fun? Soon even you will not be able to tell.
3. Start using different pseudonyms at Starbucks. Life is short.
4. Know that no matter which courses you do or do not take, you will at some point regret it. Don’t worry, you can always complain.
5. When a prospective JDMBA asks to go for coffee, insist on meeting them in Rotman’s Fleck Atrium. Stand under the ticker-tape and begin gesticulating wildly when they arrive, while screaming, “ALL THIS COULD BE YOURS!!!”
6. You don’t know anyone and are now too old to make new friends. The upside of this is that it is no longer important to be aware of your general surroundings or to look more than a couple of feet ahead of you at any time. The downside is that this may result in you attending the wrong class, running into various park benches and failing to notice the few people who will actually acknowledge you in public.
7. Many people will choose to tell you, unsolicited, all about how they are definitely going on exchange, and how you should really be making the best of this time. Refer to item 2 on this list but add a vague smirk.
8. Tone it down. Your current level of excitement about Facebook’s impending “dislike” feature is exactly what people are worried about.
9. Overshare about mundane personal problems. People like this.
10. Remember: we’ll always have Netflix.
