The official Follies’ guide to academics
Rory Smith (2L)*
So, you think that your peer mentor wasn’t entirely on the level when they said that grades don’t matter? Wanting to find out how to really succeed at law school?
Then you’ve come to the right place. As the unquestionably most academically successful law students at the school, we here at Law Follies guarantee that following our advice will lead to you receiving straight HH’s.
So without further ado, here are 11 steps to achieving academic immortality.
- Study in public places
The grading system at U of T can be a bit confusing, but leveraging the rank-based grading is key if you want to achieve straight HHs. The grading is relative and your fellow classmates are the enemy. Engage in some mental warfare by studying exclusively where you know your classmates will see you. Sure, public spaces might be more distracting than private ones, but the minor loss in your own studying will more than be made up for by the effect it will have on your peers’ studying. Nothing throws a law student off their game more than seeing someone studying more than they are. Make the library your home, don’t ever be seen without a book in hand, and always talk out loud about your rigorous study schedule. Remember not to overdo it though—students that drop out don’t count towards the curve, putting your hard work to waste.
- Study alone
Given that you’re now studying at the law school, you might be tempted to study with some of the other 1Ls who also read this guide and are studying at the law school. Don’t give in to this temptation. Your classmates are your direct competition. Why would you risk studying with them and giving them a leg up? While you might think that it’d be a good idea to study with people smarter than you, it’s hard to identify the good students beforehand. Law students are full of surprises. Avoid the risk and study on your own; everyone you study with is just one more person that you need to beat come exam season. Sure, learning by teaching is one of the most effective ways to learn, but learning by being taught is much more popular. It isn’t worth the risk that you’ll give away a key insight to a fellow student.
- Don’t make friends with others
“Okay”, you think, “so, I can’t study with the other 1Ls, but surely that doesn’t mean I can’t make friends with them?” You’d think that—and you’d be wrong. By befriending people, you run the serious risk of accidentally studying with them. Law students love to ruin any social outing by talking about the law. First, they’ll suck you into an argument about the notwithstanding clause and, next thing you know, you’ve explained the difference between defeasible and determinable clauses without even noticing that all your “friends” have been writing down your every word. Don’t fall into this trap.
- Seriously, don’t make friends with others
This might just seem like the last step again (it is), but it bears repeating. Law school can be lonely, and it will be hard to not make friends. But your classmates are sirens, waiting to seduce you with their talent, humour, passion, and generosity. Remember that you walk a narrower path. Any time that you’re spending with friends is time that you’re not re-reading your Legal Methods casebook in order to decipher the hidden exam clues (hint: you’re looking for anagrams of each of the case names). You’ll have plenty of time to make friends once exam season is over, or ideally, once you’ve graduated. With all those shiny HHs on your transcript, people will be falling over themselves to befriend you. And if it seems like you’re having a tough time, don’t worry—people are probably just too intimidated by your success to make the first move. Remember, getting straight HHs is easy, it’s living with straight HHs that’s the hard part.
- Don’t make friends outside law school either
“Okay, okay” you’re saying, “I get it, no making friends with the 1Ls. But surely I can make friends with non-law people?” No. No you cannot. (see: sirens above) Non-law people are even worse than law people because they’ll remind you of the world outside law school. It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to study, or something like that.
- Non-law activities are also out
You’re probably getting the hang of this by now. Just as with non-law people, non-law activities take up time and distract your brain from all of the readings you should be doing instead of cycling/baking/gently sobbing/insert hobby of choice. The only way to achieve straight HHs is to maintain constant, unwavering focus on that goal. Anyone who tells you that hobbies help them “recharge” or “relax” are just trying to climb above you in the rankings. Leave recharging to the batteries and get back to those textbooks.
- No going outside
Nothing breaks up a productive study session like some sunshine in the great outdoors. That’s exactly why you must never venture outside. Remember that unwavering focus we talked about? In fact, don’t even sit too close to windows where stray sunlight might reach you and tempt you to go outside. Just pop a vitamin D pill every once in a while, and you’re good to go.
- No physical activity
Your brain consumes approximately 20% of your total energy output and you want to make sure that it has all the fuel it needs to do its job. Let those vanity muscles atrophy and allow your brain to luxuriate in the excess energy. Plus, any time you’re spending at the gym is time you could be spending in the library. Remember, work-life balance is just a buzzword that was made up by marketers in the eighties.
- Plan your meals for optimal calorie intake
On a similar note, optimize your grocery list to maximize energy consumption while minimizing expenditure. You are looking for foods with the most calories for the fewest dollars. This has the handy upside of reducing (slightly) your financial anxiety by trimming down your food budget. You can consult this handy list for a full guide but here are the highlights: flour is king, followed by white bread, pasta, rice, and olive oil. Other foods just can’t compare to the energy density these five foods provide and they all have a long shelf life. Get yourself a three-year supply and start fueling up.
- Keep an irregular sleep schedule
It’s important to practice under exam conditions. If you only study and write practice exams while well-rested, in quiet locations, and without desperately needing to go to the washroom, then you won’t be well prepared when those conditions arise during exam time. To that end, make sure that you have an irregular sleep schedule during the term—ideally starting as early as possible. Try to never go to bed or to sleep within an hour of the same time on consecutive days. It might take you a few days to get into the habit but remember: one good day of sleep can put your circadian rhythms right back into alignment. Stay diligent with separate alarms for each day of the week to avoid slipping back into regular sleep patterns.
- Definitely don’t attend Law Follies on Feb 7.
Rory Smith is one of the head writers for Law Follies.
