But when you’re paying $40,000 in tuition…
Everyone loves free food, and when you’re a broke law student on the verge of maxing out your line of credit, it tastes even better. The following is a non-exhaustive list of free food options at the law school, ranked from worst to best:
241 Pizza (Worst)
Do you remember your first bite of cardboard when you were in junior-kindergarten and put virtually anything in your mouth? Well, no longer do you need to reminisce! 241 Pizza has perfected their pizzas to mimic the flavour of corrugated cardboard as closely as possible. The plus side is that it is a great jaw workout and you’ll develop a jawline like Brad Pitt or Olivia Wilde in no time! Often served at club and school events where they are trying to minimize attendance.
Pizza Pizza
Pizza Pizza has mastered the technique of making the most mediocre pizza possible. If I were to describe it in one word, it would simply be “edible.” It certainly isn’t bad pizza, but coming to law school and being fed Pizza Pizza four times a week has made me realize that I would never actually pay to eat it. You get Pizza Pizza so often that you have to actively control how much you consume, so that you don’t start looking like one. I never thought I would say no to a free lunch, but after having Pizza Pizza everyday for two weeks straight, I’ve decided that even I have standards. This is the most common food that you will encounter in the law school, served at most club, extracurricular, and speaker/topical events.
St. George Catering Co (SGCC) – Lunch
We’ve finally broken out of the pizza barrier, but the food doesn’t get much better. In terms of taste, SGCC is no better than Pizza Pizza, but marginally rarer and healthier. Most of the time when the school orders food from SGCC, it’s wraps and deli sandwiches. Each Turkey Breast or Roast Beef selection contains a single slice of the cold-cut, resembling a bookmark in the middle of your constitutional law textbook. Occasionally, there are equally mediocre cookies. From my experience, the school seems to get catering from SGCC for mid- to large-sized events (50-100) featuring guests to the law school.
SGCC – Breakfast (Yak’s Snack’s)
“He is a merciful creditor, not keeping the items given as security by poor debtors. He does not rob the poor but instead gives food to the hungry and provides clothes for the needy.” — Ezekiel 18:7
Once a month, the beloved Yakdaddy descends from the heavens above and his benevolence nourishes the broke and hungry mortals of the second floor and below. Compared to SGCC’s lunch menu, the breakfast roster is much better. There is a nice assortment of danishes, muffins, croissants, bagels, yogurt and granola as well as juice, tea, and coffee. If I were to use two words to describe Yak’s Snacks it would be “carbs” and “sugar.” So much sugar that in a couple of months, they’re going to start serving a giant vial of insulin with some syringes at the end of the table. Also, the coffee is always burnt — so much so, it’s as if they scraped the bottom of a barbeque and threw the gunk into the coffee while it was brewing.
Santaguida Fine Foods (SFF)
You ever see that meme where they show two similarly related objects and it’s captioned “You vs The Guy She Told You Not to Worry About”? Well to put it into perspective, SGCC is “you” and SFF is “the guy she told you not to worry about.” SFF is superior to SGCC in virtually every regard. Their sandwiches are loaded with meat. The ciabatta buns are palatable. They use sexy ingredients like roasted red peppers, caramelized onions, and tarragon aioli. Sometimes the sandwiches are also served alongside salad, biscotti, tarts and surprisingly good coffee. SFF is often reserved for faculty-run events with faculty or alumni in attendance such as the Dean’s Leadership Lunches, Lawyers Doing Cool Things, and Faculty Council.
Global Professional LLM Catering
Once every two weeks, Friday and Saturday, the Global Professional LLM candidates have classes down in the basement. They’re served breakfast, lunch and dinner. And whenever they finish, a sweet little birdy tells all the law students to come over for the leftovers. The food actually requires some level of skill to cook and this is probably as good as free food at the law school gets. The line-up includes things like lemon-rosemary chicken breast, garlic roasted potatoes, Moroccan beef, and mediterranean rice. Put simply, you know the food is good if it’s got a bunch of adjectives in front of it.
