Totally real news from around the law school
Watergate-gate Wrecks Havoc
Water supply was temporarily disabled in the Jackman Law Building after a watergate supplying the school failed. Intra Vires first received reports of this incident from a whistleblower identifying themselves by an explicit sexual act. IV has decided not to republish their alias to comply with the IV journalistic integrity principles.
Separately, the Students’ Law Society offices were raided by the administration in what appears to be a totally unrelated incident. IV has learned of secret recordings from the Dean’s Office authorizing the raids according to sources close to the Dean. No word on whether the same explicit sexual act was involved in this raid.
E.legalgate
After this year’s e.legal meltdown, e.legal will be discontinued next year as the school transitions to the happiness maximization system. [Editor’s note: praise be to the happiness maximization system.] Next month’s IV will be a reworked version of “Candle in the Wind” memorializing everyone’s third favourite online law school service.
Law Games Social Recap
Twenty students from the law school recently traveled to Sherbrooke, Quebec to compete in the annual Law Games. While failing miserably in the athletic competitions, IV has learned that the students achieved astounding success in the social events. Unfortunately, our correspondent was having way too sick a time to tell any of you about it. Congratulations to the team, you all should be ashamed of yourselves.
Vending Machine Cues Chaos; Students Scrambling for Coke
As the great Eric Clapton once said, “she don’t lie, she don’t lie, she don’t lie [Ginger Ale].”
