Totally real news from another pandemic semester at the Faculty of Law
Jackman Lecture Halls Immune to COVID-19
It’s a scientific miracle! It appears as if COVID-19 is scared of law lectures! Interestingly, the Faculty of Law has permitted full capacity classrooms for all academic activities, seeming to suggest that COVID-19 will respectfully stay out of classrooms and allow us to learn the intricacies of tort law in peace. But wait! You must be socially distanced for all other in-person non-academic activities, because COVID hates fun and will invade all of these non-school spaces. Damn, COVID, give us a break already!
Faculty Willing to Send Zoom Links to Students if They Give Up Their First Born Child
As we enter another COVID-19 school year, many students are confused by the Faculty’s updated accommodations policy. Unlike last year, when Zoom links were available for students wishing to attend class remotely, this year the policy is slightly more complicated. The Faculty has decided that students wishing to receive a lecture Zoom link outside of the impenetrable bureaucratic accommodations system must give up their first born child. Yes, it seems like members of the administration have stolen a page from Rumpelstiltskin for this policy. Perhaps we’ll also learn how to spin straw into gold to pay off some of our colossal debt!
Faculty of Law Tuition The Highest in the Country for Another Year
The Faculty of Law has once again been named the most expensive law school in the country! The administration is truly humbled by this honour and hopes to continue this winning streak for many years to come.
UofT Freed from the Grips of Censure (for now?)
On September 17, the students at the Faculty of Law received a shocking email. The University did a complete 180° and re-offered the International Human Rights Program (IHRP) Directorship to Dr. Valentina Azarova following a scandal that has rocked the Faculty for a year (check out UV’s online Resource page to catch up). Dr. Azarova declined the position (unsurprisingly), but the Canadian Association of University Teachers (CAUT) censure has now been paused! This complete reversal from the University must go down in history as a momentous occasion, but the school has also refused to assume full responsibility for the whole debacle (you win some, you lose some, am I right?). See you soon for the next scandal!
Another Year, Another Battle with Cognomos
I know, I know, “another UV article about Cognomos.” What a snore. But I was in 1L last year and so I never had the pleasure of experiencing the wonders of Cognomos. This year’s round of course selection saw some people given 17 credits for the entire year, a complete disregard for the “Great” category, and a general sense of disarray and befuddlement amongst the upper year student body. It’s a Nobel Prize-winning algorithm, for sure!
A Shoutout to Diversions Star, Shae Rothery
A special shoutout is owed to Diversions writer, Shae Rothery, who came through this issue to assist with several articles. Shae was an occasional contributor last year, and we are quite excited to have her lend her comedic chops to this issue (and hopefully many more in the future!). Couldn’t have done this issue without you, Shae!
