Totally real news from inside the law school
SLS Enacts New “Scandal-Free” Policy
Following a tumultuous few weeks for the SLS, the student government has committed itself to a new “Scandal-Free” policy. At a recent meeting the SLS swore “to avoid any controversy whatsoever for at least a month.”
Administration Celebrates a Month of No Scandals
Members of the administration recently toasted to a month of no scandals. For once, they weren’t the subject of law school gossip and ire!
Coincidence? Amazon Sells Out of Ring Lights Right Before OCIs
Jeff Bezos was quite surprised to learn that Amazon sold out of every ring light in stock by October 7. This also happens to correspond with law school OCIs; coincidence? I think not! After making the connection, Bezos began to sweat profusely because now hundreds of future lawyers would be using $19 retina-burning ring lights sure to lead to personal injury lawsuits.
Law Firm “hurt and disappointed” by Student Who Didn’t Schedule Them for a 10am In-Firm Interview
Several law firms expressed disappointment over a student daring to book them for 2pm on Monday. Even more egregious, another firm claimed a prospective hire scheduled their interview for 4pm! This is nothing compared to the firm with a *gasp* Tuesday morning interview. Truly, the firms are the ones that suffered on this Call Day.
When One Door Closes, Another Opens
Wondering why tuition is so high? The Faculty is investing thousands of dollars into new slam-proof doors. To the old doors, we say goodbye and good riddance!
