Law school admin on their policy not to feed the geese
lnlkn
This article is no different than the many articles in Ultra Vires meant to bring to light the short-sighted and unjust policies of the administration.
Given the warming weather recently, I noticed that geese have arrived on campus. I hate eating the crust of my sandwiches so I thought, “Hey, I can feed the geese my sandwich crusts.” Apparently not, since a member of the law school administration told me that feeding the geese was not allowed. I will not name the source of this decision to protect them from the inevitable backlash of this controversial policy. In this article, I outline the administration’s justification for their dumb policy and my rebuttal to those arguments.
The administration first attempted to justify their policy by arguing that my efforts to enhance geese nutrition would produce a “chilling effect” whereby other students would feel inclined to feed coyotes and deer at other U of T campuses. Little do they know that exact concern was put to rest in a unanimous decision in R v IDoNotCare.
The administration also raised potential liability and safety concerns if the geese felt threatened by my snacks and attacked, injuring me. Putting aside the offensive suggestion that I would be beaten up by a couple of water turkeys, would that really be a problem for the University? I asked their own tort law expert, Professor Anthony Niblett, who agreed the school would be liability-free based on the ex turpi doctrine: “No person can bring an action based on their own “Fowl Play.” … Ok. Thank you, Prof. Niblett, but I recommend that you do not quit your day job.
I also discussed this issue with Professor Angela Fernandez who is well known at our school for her work on animal-related issues. Unfortunately, she was on the administration’s side and cited concerns like the geese losing their natural fear of humans, attracting other animals, and the increasing likelihood of disease and parasites. However, she did mention that there is an exemption in these dumb policies allowing one to feed songbirds. Gotcha! Geese are obviously birds so all I need to do is teach them to sing and then the administration will be soundly defeated. Now, that is putting my legal education to good use. Sure, I need to figure out which notes a goose can hit, but those are minor details. I bet they would also look great in little choir uniforms.
To be honest, I really do not see how the administration can recover from this critique. Not only is their policy impossible to justify but it also has gaping loopholes. Honk honk!
