Spooky secrets
This month, your jurors discuss couples’ costumes, in-firm indecision, and academic apparitions.
*Boo, gavel, boo* It’s spooky season, baby! But don’t worry, your Jury in a Hurry is back to deliberate on the scariest thing of all… being a law student. Not scared? You should be!
Between OCIs and in-firm preparation, there’s a real Carrie-meets-Heathers vibe around Jackman. But fret not – your jurors are here to use their 3L privilege and take your mind off your problems. And how are we going to do that, you may ask? By drawing your attention to someone ELSE’s problems; namely, those of your friends and peers. So sit down, get cozy, and prepare yourself for a haunting yarn. We’ve screamed, we’ve schemed, but mostly, we’ve deemed. Everyone’s guilty of something, and it’s time to find out what that something is.
Dear Jury,
I’m overwhelmed by the pressure to find the “perfect” law firm. How do I figure out what I really want in a workplace without getting sucked into the prestige game??? Is there a way to prioritize my values without losing my mind in the process???
Love,
Flirting with Firms
Dear Flirting,
It’s hard to find a good fit when you are just the perfect combination of cool, hot, and smart. We totally get it. But there is a law firm out there for everyone – it’s just about taking the first steps yourself.
Do your research. How does the firm view itself and its values? What have other students and lawyers said about the firm? Collectively, these sources can provide you with a good sense of what to expect from your potential future colleagues.
You also have to ask yourself what you are looking for. Think of it like dating. If one person doesn’t know what they want, the whole affair crumbles no matter how good the other person may seem.
The best thing you can do is show up authentically, enthusiastically, and with an open mind. If you are just projecting what you think the law firm is looking for, you might find yourself in a bad fit. Interviews are not just for law firms – they are also for you. You spend a lot of time at your job, and no amount of prestige can make up for the misery of hating where you work. Although – a big ol’ paycheque might… NO! BAD JUROR! BAD!
Ultimately, it’s up to you and where you see yourself in the future. Be prepared – that will help you make the best assessment possible.
We find you guilty of having values over loving value ($$$$$$). We sentence you to leaving law altogether and running away to an oasis where everybody sings songs and holds hands (which, according to some people, is Torys).
Dear Jury,
Call day happened on October 22nd. In my panic, I accepted a first-day interview with a firm I am not at all interested in! What should I do?
Love,
OC-I Want to Cry
Dear OC-I,
Since you’re saying yes to everything, can we have a hundred bucks? Not to kick a guy when they’re down, but we hope you didn’t put “works well under pressure” on your CV.
A blunder of this nature happens to almost everyone during the recruit. One of our jurors actually took it one step further and worked at a firm they had no interest in. We don’t suggest committing to the bit in this way.
We would suggest just going forward with the process. You’ve committed to the interview, so you might as well go into it with an open mind. Who knows, you might love the firm once you get a chance to see it in person. Equally, however, don’t over prepare for this interview at the expense of firms you know you’re interested in. There’s a fine balance to be achieved when participating in the recruit arena (woo-EEE-weee-ooo) ((to the tune of the Hunger Games Score)) ((((in case that wasn’t clear))).
If you really, truly would hate to even interview there, contact the CDO. Usually, they can help you word an email in a way that won’t jeopardize your future career.
Did we just offer some real advice? I guess there’s a first time for everything.
We find you guilty of being too agreeable. We sentence you to really consider giving us that one hundred bucks.
Dear Jury,
I recently found out that my boyfriend is planning to wear a couples’ costume with his female colleague for a Halloween party. While I trust my partner, I can’t help but feel a bit uncomfortable about the situation…
Love,
Costume Cuckold
Dear Costume,
Who is this colleague? Is she single? One of our jurors recently went through a conscious uncoupling and is currently looking for someone to fill in as the Snooki to his Jwoww. (We’re mostly kidding).
The key to your dilemma is to ask what the couple’s costume is. For your reference, we are providing two separate lists of what might constitute acceptable vs unacceptable costume ideas for coworkers.
Acceptable:
- Spongebob and Patrick (without fishnets – platonic)
- Kamala Harris and Tim Walz (political – platonic)
- Mario and Luigi (brothers – platonic)
Unacceptable:
- Spongebob and Patrick (with fishnets – too sexy)
- JD Vance and a couch (political – too sexy)
- The Property Brothers (brothers – too sexy)
As you can see, the costume choice affects the tone of the entire endeavor. That being said, if you still feel uncomfortable you can always talk to your partner about how you’re feeling. It’s not unusual for you to be upset by your SO doing fun couples activities with someone else.
We find you guilty of caring about your romantic property, brother. (This was a joke about the property brothers – no one is someone else’s romantic property). We sentence you to suggesting a group costume.
Dear Jury,
Lately, I’ve been feeling a ghostly presence at the library. Late at night, I’ve started hearing whispers and rustling papers when I’m alone in the fishbowl. Last week in the basement, I saw a shadowy figure down one of the aisles.
I love the library, but with the ghostly presence around, I’m finding it hard to concentrate on more important things, like the Bay Street recruit and standards of review. How can I lock in on studies (and lock out the spirits)?
Love,
Spiritual Scholar
Dear Spiritual,
Are you sure it was a ghost? Around exam time, we jurors also look pale and moan in the library.
If you are indeed certain that you are being visited by the supernatural, we have come up with a foolproof plan to address your paranormal obsession:
- Book a study room with your friend – call the room Spirit Halloween (ghosts are comfortable there).
- Bring a ouija board (you can make your own out of an old pizza box – we’re sure there will be leftovers from yet another poorly funded lunch time event)
- Ask the ghost if they’re chill and what their deal is.
- If the ghost is a chill former law student, ask them for their outline.
- If the ghost is a non-chill SNAIL, it’s time to bust out the incense and cleansing candles.
- If all else fails, we suggest you file a tort claim for nuisance – if you’re lucky, the courts will hear your case before YOU are a ghost. After all, the scariest thing you can be for Halloween this year is the access to justice crisis.
We find you guilty of being a bit too fond of late night study sessions. We sentence you to getting a life – before the after-life gets you.
And with that, we hope you have a safe and happy Halloween. Good luck to all the guys and ghouls participating in the recruit – the jury believes in you!
