In this issue, your jurors discuss (full stop)
*Bang, gavel, bang, sigh* Your jury would like to begin this edition on a more somber note. The rumours are, in fact, true. None of us got tickets to the Eras Tour. Are we sad about it? Uncontrollably so. Are we using Ultra Vires print space to see if anyone might possibly have an extra ticket? Yes, yes, we are. Please call us. And remember, even if you don’t want to get rid of them—we will find you. And for those of you who won’t get to see blondie any time soon, your pain.
Dear Jury,
I’ve made close friends in my law school cohort, but recently, political debates have gotten heated in our group chats. One friend even stopped talking to me because I defended a case study they disagreed with. How can I navigate these tense conversations without losing my friendships—or my sanity?
Love,
Amity Across the Aisle
Dear Amity,
Politics. Debate. Cutting people off forever. Sounds a lot like what goes on in our deliberation room. And yes, we’re talking about you, former juror number 9. There is no place for you and your RFK-style brainworm here.
To offer a not-so-hot take, these are politically divisive times. Your jurors are also at a loss for what to do—and we get paid the big bucks (read: no bucks at all) to offer advice. Perhapsconsider reflecting on the nature of the political beliefs fueling your arguments. It’s one thing to disagree on small policy and implementation decisions. It’s another to disagree with fundamentally held beliefs about peoples’ rights and how the State should treat them.
If you value these friendships, you could dig deeper into why your views or argumentation style are rubbing them the wrong way. However, the good thing about friends is that you should be able to discuss your opinions and maintain healthy relationships.
We find you guilty of being critical of the political. We sentence you to announce your candidacy for US president in 2028. #AMITY2024
Dear Jury,
I’m preparing for my first set of law exams and feel like I’m drowning in case law. During a mock exam, I COMPLETELY BLANKED on applying the IRAC method and spent way too much time on minor issues. Is this normal???? How do I get my exam strategy under control before finals?!!!!
Love,
New and Confused
Dear New,
If it helps at all, the members of the jury (many of whom are 3Ls) have actually completely forgotten what IRAC stands for. Is it I’m Really Anti-Contract? Improvise Reasonable Attempts at Crimes? Impose (w)Rong Advice on Classmates? Who knows!
It’s normal to have no idea what you’re doing during your first exam season. Fact patterns are a different beast than anything you’ve probably ever encountered. Policy questions often ask you to opine on areas of the law you couldn’t have fewer opinions about. On top of that, law students love to use weird terminology for universally used study techniques. An outline is just your study notes, sheeple!
In our experience, the main way to study for law exams is to boil down the information you’ve learned from class into its most bare-bones form. Try formulating the major legal issues into questions you can ask yourself during an exam. For example, if you were mapping for Contracts, you might want to include headings like “Was there an offer?” or “Was there consideration?” with a brief summary of the major holdings in each area underneath. Organizing your notes this way might help you produce more cohesive exam answers.
The naysayers within our readership will likely ask to see our credentials: “Do any of you even have distinction? Let alone do the readings on time?” Well, no. But your jurors know kindness. They know friendship. They know how to see the world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wildflower. And they also know that half the class will get a P no matter what. So quit your yapping.
We find you guilty of having a run-of-the-mill 1L freak-out. We sentence you to peruse the SLS student resources website until you find an outlining style that works for you.
Dear Jury,
I’ve been casually dating someone in my small group, but they accidentally sent a flirty message meant for me to our friend group chat…now everyone’s making jokes, and it’s super awkward for both of us. How do we handle this situation without making things worse?
Love,
Not-So-Subtle Sexter
Dear Not-So-Subtle,
Perhaps this was a sign? Like the modern-day equivalent of declaring their love from the rooftops? Alas, you are probably right it was an accident, so the best we can do is move forward.
There are two main approaches we might suggest to you. The first (and this depends on where things are going more broadly) is that you come clean and openly acknowledge what’s going on. This will almost certainly end the jokes you don’t like, even if it leads to new ones you do.
Alternatively, ignore it!!! It is your life, and you are all in the same class at law school, no one is qualified to be a judge. The jokes will pass. And who knows, you might even inspire new love stories in your cohort.
We find you guilty of sharing confidential information. We sentence you to singular sexting (outside the group chat) from now on.