Totally real news from an totally undead law school
Tis the Season: ITC Emails are Back!
After years of lurking on Canlaw Forum and observing mental breakdowns over mysterious acronyms like ‘PFO,’ 2Ls will finally share the quintessential law school experience of awaiting call day.
Worlds Collide: From Recruit to Halloweekend
In light of OCIs, some students have been embracing recruit traditions in a whole new manner. With the end of recruit coinciding with Halloweekend, one group of 2L students allegedly lured a 1L into the basement as a corporate virgin sacrifice. Meanwhile, some upper year students hosted an exorcism claiming that the school was long overdue for a cleansing. They also announced they would be casting spells to help the law school look within and find its true name.
PATH offers immersive Haunted House experience!
Venture on this new exhibit where you can hear the (real) tears of rejected candidates and encounter last souls who never escaped the PATH as they attempted to travel from Osler to Blake’s. For major scares, you might also opt to visit the Neo coffee bar near St. Andrew station where rumour has it that students are trapped in an inescapable cycle of coffee chats. Whatever you do, don’t attempt to voyage into the Ghost Town north of the Bay Adelaide centre. The former Hudson’s Bay basement is allegedly teeming with the 1% of U of T law grads who failed to secure an articling position.
MISSING: J’s Java
Following the recent donation, students were anticipating an uptick in free caffeine. Sadly, it hasn’t materialized. Some reports allege that the noticeably sparse and shorter J’s Java are because the majority of the $80 million were used up in the celebratory lunch. Where else did you think the money for not pizza was coming from?
New Dean Sweepstakes: Intra Vires Betting Tips
Feeling Lucky? Try your odds with the Dean’s Draw! With various bets floating around for the new Dean, we have decided to share our own predictions and their prospects.
Justice Abella: Unless the halls of Harvard are rosier.
(Former?) Justice Russel Brown: Known to be looking for work. He’ll fight for us.
Shaffer: Let’s be honest, this is just wishful thinking.
Theresa: Very polished resume and cover letter. Interviews super well. If her CDO appointments are any sign, you won’t catch any glimpse of her once she’s Dean.
Essert: A fan favourite for some while others think he hasn’t sufficiently manifested an intention to acquire the role.
Aidid: Maybe if we all rank him first, at least a quarter of us will get him as Dean.
Locker Thief: Few have shown the same degree of persistence. And you know what they say, if you can’t beat’em, join’em. Have the locker thief on our side. Deploy them to any school that dares to rival us.
Fox (The Famously Saucy Intruder): Iconic. Infamous. Saucy. What more could we want?
U of T Law Re-re-renamedWe are proud to announce that U of T Law is now getting a new new new name. Following a generous donation of $80,000,003, the school will now be known as the Shackleton, Hasnain & Khan Faculty of Law. The namesakes would like it to be known that this name change (and reordering) is a totally unanimous decision and not due to any infighting between Shackleton, Hasnain & Khan. It still remains unclear how Hasnain, Khan and Shackleton acquired the money for this donation or their previous donations.