Invasive cryptid devastates local ecosystem
The Cognomopogo (schedulus fuckupus) is a large predatory cryptid native to the northeastern United States. An invasive species in Canada, the Cognomopogo was introduced to U of T Law in June 2019 as part of the administration’s policy to control the proliferation of priority letters, which had begun to tax the administration’s resources/patience.
Upon its release, the Cognomopogo laid waste to the hopes and dreams of upper year students and drove the complacent priority letters to extinction. Unexpectedly, the Cognomopogo made no distinction between 2Ls and 3Ls, indiscriminately leaving a trail of all-caps emails and broken monitors in its wake.
The administration has declined to comment on whether raccoons are being deliberately introduced in an effort to eradicate the Cognomopogo.
Behaviour
Sluggish and torpid, the Cognomopogo is an ambush predator, luring unwary law students with promises of simpler procedures and maximized happiness. It feeds mainly on poorly-written code and the anguish of upper-year students, although it can also feed on the administration’s passive aggressive emails if its preferred food sources run low.
The Cognomopogo hibernates throughout the winter, emerging in late July to feed. Throughout July, it engages in a brief flurry of feeding, gobbling up the entirety of the administration’s patience. By late July, almost all of the food has been consumed, and the Cognomopogo contents itself with the occasional morsel before returning to its winter hibernation.
Incredibly difficult to kill, rumour has it that the Cognomopogo can regenerate, undoing any damage received in the previous few days. Students are advised to maintain a safe distance and stable internet connection if they spot the Cognomopogo.
Distribution & Habitat
Prior to its introduction in Toronto, the Cognomopogo primarily lurked in the northeastern United States in habitats as diverse as business schools and community colleges. As global temperatures rise, Cognomopogo has expanded its natural range further north. Native to Pennsylvania, the invasive cryptid has established stable populations across the East Coast since the spring of 2017.
