Diversions
Web EditorMarch 28, 2018
Legal Locutions to Class Up Your Exam Writing II
Honghu Wang (1L) with translations from the Editorial Board Whereas the writers for Ultra Vires desire to help students complete their examinations with a […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtMarch 28, 2018
The Ones That Got Away: Articles I Didn’t Get to Write
Kevin Schoenfeldt (3L) Including this issue, I’ve written fifty-one articles for UV over the last two years. I just counted them. And I know […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtMarch 28, 2018
Graduating Student Profiles: Fishsticks
Kevin Schoenfeldt (3L) As part of our final issue of the year, we were planning to feature a number of questionnaires filled out by graduating […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtMarch 28, 2018
Then and Now: A Photo Essay
Kevin Schoenfeldt (3L) Law school flies by. One day you’re at O-Week trying to figure out the best way to sneak out before the […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtMarch 28, 2018
Lecture Notes
Kevin Schoenfeldt (3L) This semester, for no apparent reason, I started bringing my laptop to class for the first time. To show you how […]
Web EditorMarch 28, 2018
Guide to Crying in Public: Financial District Edition
Maude Woods* If you are a person living in the world, the odds are pretty good that, at some point, something is going to […]
Norm YallenMarch 28, 2018
Writing Tips for the Summer
Norm Yallen (2L) I know some of you folks are going to be doing jobs this summer. Whether it is professional rock climbing or working […]
Web EditorMarch 28, 2018
Intra Vires
Honghu Wang (1L) Faculty Council Hires Sergeant-at-Arms Facing declining attendance, Faculty Council on March 7 approved the provisional hiring of a Sergeant-at-Arms, who will […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtMarch 28, 2018
I Made a Lot of Mistakes: An Apology to the 1Ls (And Everyone Else)
Kevin Schoenfeldt (3L) As many of you know, over the past months I have been involved in a lawsuit with the 1Ls. I called […]
Web EditorMarch 1, 2018
Notice of (Literal) Class Proceeding
THIS NOTICE IS DIRECTED TO ALL PERSONS IN THE CLASS OF 2020 AT THE UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO FACULTY OF LAW. TAKE NOTICE that on February […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtMarch 1, 2018
Stop Asking Questions Part Two: Start Asking Questions
In Part One, we learned that, in early January, in an incident known as “Question Day,” a brawl took place in a U of T […]
Norm YallenMarch 1, 2018
Paper Topics for Geniuses
I am sure all of you used reading week to get started on your final papers, as opposed to sitting at home and watching curling. […]
Norm YallenMarch 1, 2018
Self-Publication Scandal at the Law Review
Second year student Hubert H. Hammerson was recently caught up in one of the biggest scandals the University of Toronto Faculty of Law Review has […]
Web EditorMarch 1, 2018
Intra Vires: Faculty Council Fails to Meet Quorum, Sings Kumbaya Instead
Let me tell you about the sandwiches. I have never seen so many sandwiches in all my days covering Faculty Council. There was egg salad […]
Web EditorMarch 1, 2018
I Want a Pupper
I would be so happy if I had a pupper. I do not have time for a pupper. I am in the wrong profession.
Kevin SchoenfeldtMarch 1, 2018
Tell Us How You Pronounce “Bona Fide” and We’ll Describe Your Flaws with 100% Accuracy
Bone-uh Fee-day You unironically post pictures of yourself in bed on Instagram with the caption “I woke up like this” and think that people actually […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtMarch 1, 2018
1Ls v Kevin Schoenfeldt
BETWEEN: Class of 2020 Plaintiffs and Kevin Schoenfeldt Defendant Statement of Claim TO THE DEFENDANT A LEGAL PROCEEDING HAS BEEN COMMENCED AGAINST YOU by […]
Norm YallenFebruary 4, 2018
Curve Management
Now that grades have come out, it is time to plan for next semester. You can work hard, do your readings, take good notes, study […]
Web EditorFebruary 4, 2018
Managing Your Debt: UV Edition
I love going to the most expensive law school in Canada. Every night I look at myself in the mirror and mouth the words “I […]
Web EditorFebruary 4, 2018
Semi-Recurring Article by a Follies Writer: [Someone Too Embarrassed to be Associated with this Article]’s Top Ten Places to Have Some “Alone Time” in the Law Building
Grades got you down? Want to meet up with that special someone on Tinder but don’t want to have to give up your seat in […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtFebruary 4, 2018
Hypothetical Madlibs™
Presented by Keener Gadgets Co. It happens to all of us. You’re sitting in class, hand high up in the air, downright aching to ask […]
Norm YallenFebruary 4, 2018
Students Protest Cancellation of Intersession
After the announcement that intersession was cancelled, a spontaneous group of students marched in protest in the alley behind the law school. The students were […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtFebruary 4, 2018
The Legal Chef: Recipes for the Busy Law Student, Volume 43
Last Thursday was crazy. I had class until six and then I was supposed to have a friend over for dinner. I had promised her […]
Stephanie LewisFebruary 4, 2018
Intersession Courses We Missed Out On
At January’s Faculty Council meeting, Dean Iacobucci announced that the proposed January Intersession would not be implemented in the 2018–19 year. Students were, for the […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtFebruary 4, 2018
Stop Asking Questions, Part I: How a Group of Intellectually Engaged Students Started the Biggest Brawl in U of T Law History
Franklin Crewson is folding his laundry. For Franklin, it’s a nice break from the readings he’s been doing earlier this morning. Yes, even on a […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtFebruary 4, 2018
In Embarrassing Mistake, Prime Minister Trudeau Names Dead Composer Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Canada
In December, Richard Wagner, German composer of such classic operas as Tristan und Isolde and Götterdämmerung, and also known for his anti-Semitism and the fact […]
Norm YallenFebruary 4, 2018
Ultra Vires Unapproved Vacation Destinations
After our ban on trips and vacations in the December issue, people have been left wondering if they will be able to leave Canada again. […]
Web EditorFebruary 4, 2018
Intra Vires News for January
Editor’s Note: Intra Vires, an old Ultra Vires feature with a Latin title that translates to “dumb self-mocking jokes,” now returns following a brief hiatus. […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtFebruary 4, 2018
The 1Ls Must Be Stopped: An Open Letter to the 1Ls
Dear 1Ls, You 1Ls are so nice. “How nice are we?” you yell back, cooperatively. You 1Ls are so nice that you bring extra pizza […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtJanuary 8, 2018
Choose Your Own Adventure: The Map to HH Island
For those of you who somehow grew up with books that dictated your adventure to you within the strict confines of traditional narrative, a Choose […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtJanuary 8, 2018
DC Rules (continued from “Nice Door”)
Your mind is racing. What movie will appease them? Think! Just as Brett starts saying, “Get this garbage out of here,” and two shitty baby […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtJanuary 8, 2018
Brains not Brawn (continued from “Make MRAs Mad”)
You consider your response carefully and realize that you could obviously never beat Buster in a battle of strength, so you tell him that you […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtJanuary 8, 2018
Make MRAs Mad (continued from “Nice Door”)
You know that you should say some Zack Snyder movie, but you can’t bring yourself to do it, so you shout the first thing that […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtJanuary 8, 2018
Nice Door (continued from “Julie”)
There’s something about those scratches on the other door that makes you nervous, so you decide to choose the pristine door. But even so, there’s […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtJanuary 8, 2018
Julie (continued from “Part One”)
Julie seems to have read your mind, because all of a sudden you are swept up in a tornado of colours and shapes and sounds. […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtJanuary 8, 2018
Why Would You Choose That? (continued from “Part One”)
Congratulations, you win the award for being the most honest, ethics-y student around. Well done. I bet you’re really happy. YOU HAD THE CHOICE TO […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtJanuary 8, 2018
Scratched Door (continued from “Julie”)
There’s just something weird about the pristine door. It seems creepy in a way you can’t really explain. So you decide to open the scratched […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtJanuary 8, 2018
Oops (continued from “Brains Not Brawn”)
You shout your answer with confidence. Buster gives you a disappointed look and suddenly the ground drops out from under you and you are falling […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtJanuary 8, 2018
HH Island (continued from “Brains Not Brawn”)
“An issue on an exam!” you shout with glee. Buster smiles. He runs toward you and hugs you. He is tamed. Julie approaches you, her […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtJanuary 8, 2018
Strength (continued from “Make MRAs Mad”)
“I choose a battle of strength!” you shout defiantly. At that, Buster charges towards you, grabs you with his worm fingers, which are covered in […]
Web EditorNovember 29, 2017
Exchange Student Attends Class
Nick Papageorge (3L) With November rolling around, the timing just felt right: I should try going to class. Like every exchange student, I had […]
Charlie MillarNovember 29, 2017
Semi-Recurring Article by a Follies Writer: Confessions of a Research Assistant, Volume III
Charlie Millar (3L), who wished to remain anonymous This is the third volume in an ongoing series revealing the reality of what it means to […]
Web EditorNovember 29, 2017
Legal Locutions to Class Up Your Exam Writing
Honghu Wang (1L), with translations by the UV Editorial Board Whereas the writers for Ultra Vires desire to help students complete their examinations with a […]
L. H.November 29, 2017
Trust No One: A List of Suspects
L. H. (2L) & Maud Rozee (3L) A priceless/price-unknown piece of art that was bolted to the wall goes missing from the Jackman Law Library? […]
Web EditorOctober 25, 2017
What’s Good at Goodmans?: Spinach, Egg, and Fed Up
Aladdin Diakun (2L) Another year in law school means another year of finding things to complain about and take too seriously. It also means […]
Web EditorOctober 25, 2017
Opinion: I Like The TV
Rylee Rayburn-Gibson (3L) I like the TV. I like the TV at night before bed and while I am eating. Sometimes while I am […]
Web EditorOctober 25, 2017
Non-Law Career Options
Jessy Van Kooten (2L) This time of year, many of us are reflecting on our future careers. Are we making the right decisions? What […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtOctober 25, 2017
Poetry Review: If We Had Dreamed Better We Might Not Be in Law School
Kevin Schoenfeldt (3L) In If We Had Dreamed Better We Might Not Be in Law School, LegalArts Press presents a collection of poems from […]
Norm YallenOctober 25, 2017
How to Get Away with Financial Crimes
Norm Yallen (2L) This is a student’s record of a dark chapter of U of T Law History. The author’s name has been kept anonymous […]
Web EditorOctober 25, 2017
TORT or NO TORT: 3L Edition
Maud Rozee (3L) I have class from 6 to 8 p.m. two days a week this semester. Am I supposed to eat dinner at […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtOctober 25, 2017
Ultra Vires Tests Three Law School Life Hacks to See if They Really Work
Kevin Schoenfeldt (3L) If you’re anything like me, the Internet is your best friend. When you have a problem, who do you turn to? […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtOctober 25, 2017
Can You Take Me Higher: The Case for Raising Tuition
Kevin Schoenfeldt (3L) There are many things that we students of law accept as truths about law school. Few would argue, for example, against […]
Norm YallenOctober 25, 2017
Costume Ideas for In-Firm Interviews
Norm Yallen (2L) Halloween is just around the corner! This is a great time to show your special law firm or government office that […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtOctober 25, 2017
News of the Legal World
Kevin Schoenfeldt (3L) Hips Not Credible Witness, Court Rules In a decision that sent a wave of shocked murmurs throughout the courtroom, a […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtSeptember 28, 2017
This Year’s Follies Canceled After Anthony Niblett Goes on Leave
Kevin Schoenfeldt (3L) The Follies Exec, led by Adam Ragusa and Elizabeth Creelman, announced this week that they had decided to cancel this year’s […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtSeptember 28, 2017
“Why Don’t You Stop Hitting Yourself?” Asks Woman Who Has Judge Pinned Down On Courthouse Cafeteria Floor
Kevin Schoenfeldt (3L) “Why don’t you stop hitting yourself? Why don’t you stop hitting yourself? Why don’t you stop hitting yourself?” The words rang […]
Web EditorSeptember 28, 2017
More Featured Students: How the Other Half Lives
Stephanie D’Amico (2L) Every September, the law school regales us with thrilling accounts of some of the most high-profile and glamourous members of the incoming […]
Norm YallenSeptember 28, 2017
Things to Talk About That Are Not OCIs
Norm Yallen (2L) With OCIs coming up, it can feel like the only thing to talk about is the upcoming interviews. Here are some […]
Norm YallenSeptember 28, 2017
Classroom Power Rankings
Norm Yallen (2L) J140, 9.15/10. The best classroom at the law school. Big enough that you can sit at the back and comfortably peruse Facebook. […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtSeptember 28, 2017
Ultra Vires Revealed to be a Front for the Donut Marketing Board of Canada
Kevin Schoenfeldt (3L) Wake up, people. This is not a “Diversion.” [Editor’s note: then why is it in the Diversions section? Wake up, Kevin.] The […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtSeptember 28, 2017
OCI FAQ: The Answers the CDO Won’t Give You
Kevin Schoenfeldt (3L) OCIs are a stressful time for 2Ls. The CDO does a fine job with the basic questions: What do I wear? What […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtApril 1, 2017
Your Legal Career Horoscope
We here at the Ultra Vires Hi-Tech Extremely Scientific Astrology Centre (UVHTESAC) have been running star charts for the past six months, taking into account […]
Rabiya MansoorApril 1, 2017
Ask Ab Initio
Dear AI, I’ve just gotten into a relationship with a wonderful girl. The thing is, she’s a 2L and I’m only a 1L! Do you […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtApril 1, 2017
Mistakes Were Made: Corrections
In the article “Dean Claims Ghosts Are Stealing His Bagels,” which appeared in the January 2017 edition of Ultra Vires, we incorrectly stated that Dean […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtApril 1, 2017
It Almost Feels Like I Was There: A Law Ball Review by Someone Who Did Not Attend Law Ball
On Saturday, March 11, hundreds of U of T Law students gathered together at a venue somewhere for this year’s Law Ball, an extravagant night […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtApril 1, 2017
Eight Things Only Super-Old Law School Kids Will Remember
All you young punks can keep your Spongebobs and your text messages. If you recognize these eight things, then you know you’re a super-old law […]
Norm YallenApril 1, 2017
The Ultra Vires Guide to Networking
As our 1L year draws to a close, it seems like networking events are becoming more and more important. If the idea of networking does […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtApril 1, 2017
Letters to the Editor
Not a Fan UV fucken sucks. Greg Lochte (1L) Also Not a Fan Being a terrible paper is intra vires Ultra Vires. P.S. That’s the […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtApril 1, 2017
Screendropping III: The Mystery Will Be Emailed
To: Student Conduct Officer ([email protected]) From: Sarah DeLey ([email protected]) Re: Egregious Student Code of Conduct Violations Dear Mr. Clorkman, I am writing to you today […]
Web EditorMarch 1, 2017
The Young Phillips
*SPONSORED CONTENT: Ultra Vires contributed a personalized profile to this year’s law school Promise Auction. Professor Jim Phillips was the generous winner. Large parts of […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtMarch 1, 2017
Screendropping II: Facebooking a Mystery
Okay, for any of you that follow me on Twitter, you might have seen my #mysteryatUTLaw posts before I had to delete them. Well, now […]
L. H.March 1, 2017
Tort or No Tort
There are students in all of my courses who persistently interrupt classroom proceedings to ask questions that begin with “So, let’s say . . .” […]
Norm YallenMarch 1, 2017
An Administration-Approved Convocation Speech
To start with, I would like to thank the administration for fostering an environment that allows for the exchange of worthwhile ideas. I am proud […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtMarch 1, 2017
From the Vault, February 2000 Issue: Follies Writer Achieves Every Law Student’s Dream of Being Discovered and Not Actually Having to Practice Law
John D. Fakeman (17L) [Original] & Kevin Schoenfeldt (2L) [Update] Susan Fielder woke up last Thursday morning thinking one thing: “I hope today isn’t a […]
Web EditorMarch 1, 2017
Follies Falls Flat
Law Follies is a minor event. There is no doubt about that. If not for a few hasty emails and Facebook posts, it’s likely nobody […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtMarch 1, 2017
Famous Case Translations Matching Game
For this game, we’ve taken quotations from famous legal cases and put them through Google Translate as many times as it took for them to […]
Rabiya MansoorMarch 1, 2017
Bora’s Badass Brownies: a Recipe for Law Students
Ingredients Brownie: 1/2 cup butter 1 cup white sugar 2 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder 1/2 cup all-purpose flour 1/4 […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtJanuary 26, 2017
Screendropping: Tweeting a Mystery
Kevin Schoenfeldt (2L) Sarah DeLey @StudentAtLaw25 Jan 20 Hey guys, something really weird just happened in class, but I can’t talk about it right […]
Web EditorJanuary 26, 2017
A Select Few Dates Other Things Started This Month, Apropos Of Nothing
Maud Rozee (2L) Tuesday, January 3, 2017: Osgoode Hall Law School’s Winter Term This date is a classic. One of my favourites for the way […]
Norm YallenJanuary 26, 2017
Ultra Vires Guide to January of 1L
Norm Yallen (1L) January of 1L can be a stressful time, what with grades, the 1L recruit, mooting, and everything else to deal with. Fortunately, […]
Web EditorJanuary 26, 2017
Student Achieves Record First HHH by Body-Slamming Ben Alarie During Tax Exam
Law Follies Writers TORONTO, ON – Tired of wrestling with Professor Alarie’s exam question about the tax implications of his and BlueJ’s impending marriage, student […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtJanuary 26, 2017
Educational Excerpts: On the Current State of Viewer Discretion Jurisprudence
Kevin Schoenfeldt (2L) In this column, we provide excerpts from current legal research by leading academics across Canada. Today, we are featuring Professor Sheffield S. […]
Davina ShivratanJanuary 26, 2017
New Year, Same Me: Failed Law School Resolutions
2016 was a mess. A complete and utter mess. But now it’s 2017, and this year is going to be better, right? Once again, it’s […]
Ian SinkeJanuary 26, 2017
TORT or NO TORT?
Ian Sinke (1L) After getting a new laptop and disposing of my old one, I am now unable to log in to Westlaw because I […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtJanuary 26, 2017
In Surprising Move, Blue J Legal Quits Law School to Become Rapper
Kevin Schoenfeldt (2L) UV revisits one of the 1Ls we featured in our September issue, and discover some surprising developments. When I first spoke with […]
Rabiya MansoorDecember 5, 2016
Word on the Street: Putting the “Good” in Goodmans
Rabiya Mansoor (2L) Monday, November 28 was a momentous day for the law school. We finally got our Goodmans LLP Cafe. And, I’m not being […]
Web EditorNovember 30, 2016
Your UToronto Webmail Inbox
Rabiya MansoorNovember 30, 2016
UV “News” Round Up
Rabiya Mansoor (2L) and Kevin Schoenfeldt (2L) Admin Goes Day Without Student Complaint, Assumes the Worst On November 24, U of T Law’s administration experienced […]
Web EditorNovember 30, 2016
Overthinking: Email Sign Off Edition
Maud Rozee (2L) Sure the CDO is useful for some things, but there’s only so much they can do. When you’re flailing around trying to […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtNovember 30, 2016
The Administration’s Guide to Writing a Law School Exam
Kevin Schoenfeldt (2L) The administration asked us to print this how-to guide for writing law school exams, out of concern that students were ignoring their […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtNovember 30, 2016
An Oral History of the IRAC War Part Three: Brief Accomplished
Kevin Schoenfeldt (2L) When we last visited our duo of petulant professors and Queen Gloria, the group was completely split into three factions, but there […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtNovember 30, 2016
A Suit for Every Occasion
Aidan Campbell (2L) and Kevin Schoenfeldt (2L) Never owned dress clothes before but still need to look sharp for the corporate recruit? We’ve got you […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtNovember 30, 2016
2FML: A Cautionary Tale
Janine Prongpepper (Alumnus) as told to Kevin Schoenfeldt (2L) I’m going to make this short and sweet. My name is Janine Prongpepper and I’ve been […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtNovember 30, 2016
You Want it Darker: 2016 Gives and 2016 Takes Away
Kevin Schoenfeldt (2L) and Nick Papageorge (2L) Nick: My pop culture highlight of 2016 was finding out that Bob Dylan had been awarded the Nobel […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtOctober 27, 2016
Not Throwing Away Their Shot: Diverse Cast Shines in “Iacobucci: A Canadian Musical”
Kevin Schoenfeldt (2L) How does a balding, short, son of the Supreme Court and a Lawyer, dropped in the middle of a thriving spot and […]
Web EditorOctober 27, 2016
Failure to (External) Launch
Wes Dutcher-Walls (2L) The Faculty’s launch of the new Jackman Law Building for donors and the legal community on September 29 certainly created quite a […]
Rabiya MansoorOctober 27, 2016
Feed Me: The Caffeinated Edition
Rabiya Mansoor (2L) B Espresso Bar Royal Conservatory of Music (Atrium); 8 am-8 pm M-F, 9 am-5 pm Sa, 11 am-5 pm Su You are […]
Web EditorOctober 27, 2016
Witchcraft, Séances, and a Spooked Government
Polimenis Koundouros (LLM) With Halloween upon us (and criminal law firmly in the mind of many a 1L), I bring you a fascinating legal story—and […]
Ian SinkeOctober 27, 2016
The Ten Best Beers for Law Students
Ian Sinke (1L) We all know that many law students enjoy the occasional beverage. What is less well-known is that there are a number of […]
Kevin SchoenfeldtOctober 27, 2016
Computer Habits of a Student Post-OCIs
Kevin Schoenfeldt (2L) In the name of science, an anonymous student agreed to have a monitoring system installed on their personal computer to record their […]
Browse through some of our popular tags: